Thirteenth disciple

I was preparing a small reflection for Mass this morning and I remembered these words of Joan Chichester OSB entitled 'The Thirteenth disciple'

Jesus called his apostles and they weren’t ready.
Jesus called Peter, but Peter was unfaithful,Peter was weak,Peter had a bad temper,Peter lacked courage,Peter wasn’t ready.
Jesus called James and John, but James and John were ambitious.James and John followed Jesus for the wrong reason.James and John followed Jesus for their own glory,James and John lacked purity of motivation,James and John weren’t ready.
Jesus called Philip, but Philip was blind.Philip couldn’t see a spiritual reality if he tripped over it,Philip lacked intelligence and insight,Philip wasn’t ready.
Jesus called Judas, but Judas was untrustworthy.Judas was more interested in money than the kingdom,Judas was a loner who slunk off at night,Judas lacked integrity,Judas wasn’t ready.
Jesus called Matthew, but Matthew was a crook.Matthew was money hungry,Matthew had hurt people,Matthew lacked an honest past,Matthew wasn’t ready.
Jesus called Thomas, but Thomas lacked faith.Thomas was a doubter,Thomas wasn’t around enough,Thomas lacked trust in the invisible,Thomas wasn’t ready.
Jesus called Andrew, but Andrew was a cynic.Andrew could not take Jesus’ words seriously,Andrew still had the eyes of the world,Andrew lacked maturity,Andrew wasn’t ready.
Jesus called Simon the Zealot, but Simon was a militant.Simon had a belligerent streak,Simon was a social justice type,Simon lacked nuance,Simon wasn’t ready.
Jesus called Luke, but Luke wasn’t tough enough.Luke was too gentle,Luke couldn’t face the hard confrontation the gospel asks,Luke lacked the courage for prophecy,Luke wasn’t ready.
Jesus called Mark, but Mark was a stoic.Mark was a neurotic,Mark made an ideology out of suffering,Mark lacked joy and optimism,Mark wasn’t ready.
Jesus called Bartholomew and James the Lesser, but Bartholomew and James the Lesser lacked talent.Bartholomew and James had little to contribute,Bartholomew and James were shy introverts,Bartholomew and James the Lesser lacked charisma,Bartholomew and James the Lesser weren’t ready.
And today, Jesus calls us.And we, we lackcourage, purity of motivation, intelligence,and insight, integrity, an honest past,trust in the invisible, maturity, nuance,courage for prophecy, joy and optimism,charisma.
We, we aren’t ready, but the thing is…Jesus doesn’t call the readyJesus calls the willing.(The Thirteenth Apostle by Joan Chittester Winds of Change 1986)